Adult Grief Program for Small Groups - Lesson 3

Lesson #3-at-a-glance

Station Two on the Journey: “Separation from the Known World”

Process:

Feeling the feelings

Guiding Word:

“Metanoia”

Guiding Questions:

How is your loss-line a “living thing”?

Guiding Quotation: Simran Singh

“All unhealed, unresolved experiences are being relived until the moment they can be loved. Once they are lovingly accepted, they dissolve in the “allness”, no longer holding any power.”

Invitation to the Projects:

Write a Name Poem

Write a Letter of Forgiveness

Meditation or Closing Quotation:

“Thriving Without Conflict”

Adapted from the writing of Eckhart Tolle

Check in: Pass the talking stick to the left (from the heart)

Guiding word: (Refer to this word as the lesson proceeds)

Metanoia: to go beyond the mind; movement to the heart

Quotation: Simran Singh

“All unhealed, unresolved experiences are being relived until the moment they can be loved. Once they are lovingly accepted, they dissolve in the “allness”, no longer holding any power.”

Follow-up and sharing:

• Check-in with reports from the movie, and how we see DABDA throughout

• What did you learn about “witness consciousness”?

• Share images: what does your grief look like?

Teaching point: (Invite discussion throughout)

• How is the loss line a living thing?

• Is it enough to get to “acceptance”?

• Some people find themselves needing to go further

• Add to the DABDA paradigm: E with L&G

• This adds the weight of an elephant in the healing process

• (Embrace with Love & Gratitude) What would this look like?

• Back to the “elephant in the room”

• Embracing the elephant (image)

Invitation to the projects:

• Write a Name Poem to someone/something that you have lost (Use your own examples here)

• Write a letter of forgiveness (You’ll know to whom this letter is addressed; it doesn’t have to be mailed. It’s just the process that matter.)

Ken Wilbur, in his beautiful book, Grace and Grit, tells his personal story of loss and transformation:

Practice the wound of love; “Real love hurts; real love makes you totally vulnerable and open; real love will take you far beyond yourself; and therefore, real love will devastate you.”

From Cynthia Bourgeault, The Wisdom Jesus:

Mourning is a brutal form of emptiness. But in this emptiness, if we can remain open, we discover that a mysterious something does indeed reach back to comfort us; the tendrils of grief trailing out into the unknown become intertwined in a greater love that holds all things together.

To mourn is to touch directly the substance of divine compassion. And just as ice must melt before it can begin to flow, we, too, must become liquid before we can flow into the larger mind. Tears have been a classic spiritual way of doing this.

Closing quotation:

The way of love is not a subtle argument;

The door there is devastation.

Birds make great sky-circles of their freedom.

How do they learn it?

They fall, and falling,

They’re given wings.

-Rumi

Meditation:

“Thriving Without Conflict”

Adapted from the writings of Eckhart Tolle

Check-out: Pass the talking stick to the left (from the heart)

Handouts:

Example of Name Poem

“In the Bag”

Lesson #3

Notebook/Journal Box of pens

Tablecloth Tissues

Your Name Poem Candle/Lighter Your Letter of Forgiveness Singing bowl, bell Quotations Loss Line

Talking stick

All unhealed, unresolved experiences

are being relived

until the moment they can be loved.

Once they are lovingly accepted,

they dissolve in the “allness”,

no longer holding any power.

~ Simran Singh

Simran Singh’s books are highly recommended:

Simran Singh is a creative visionary, transformational catalyst, and humorist in the realms of metaphysics, spirituality, and motivation. She is the award-winning publisher of 11:11 Magazine and is the author of Conversations with the Universe and Your Journey to Enlightenment. Globally reaching hundreds of thousands, Simran also hosts the top-rated, syndicated 11:11 Talk Radio to support people in living beyond self-imposed limitations, allowing life to be experienced fearlessly and boldly. In addition to speaking nationally and internationally, Simran initiates movement into new paradigms for humanity through vulnerability, realness, and loving expression.

“The way of love is not a subtle argument;

The door there is devastation.

Birds make great sky-circles of their freedom.

How do they learn it?

They fall, and falling,

They’re given wings.”

~ Rumi

Name Poem:

E Essence of depth, calm and curiosity; ease of living “beyond-self”

V Valued as unique, a one-of-a-kind friend and confidant

E Engaged and attuned, you invite us to be seen and heard because you care so much

L Loving kindness rendered to all who move in your sphere

Y Your beautiful gifts are offered to the many who love you

N Noble woman; Never to be forgotten

Meditation: Thriving Without Conflict

Lesson Three

Adapted from the writings of Eckhart Tolle

The mind is constantly looking not only for food for thought; it is also looking for food for its identity, its sense of self. This is how the ego comes into being and continuously recreates itself.

When each thought absorbs your attention, it means you identify with the voice in your head. This is the ego, a mind-made “me”. That mentally constructed self feels incomplete and fearful and wanting. When you recognize that there is a voice in your head that pretends to be you, you are awakening out of your unconsciousness. When you notice that voice, you realize that who you are is NOT the voice – the thinker – but the one who is aware of it. This is the beginning of freedom.

Every ego contains an element of what we call “victim identity”, and resentment and grievances form a part of their sense of self. In this, you have constructed an identity for yourself that is much like a prison whose bars are made of thought forms. See what you are doing to yourself. Feel the emotional attachment you have to your victim story. Just witnessing this is enough. With awareness comes transformation and freedom.

What are the stories from which you derive your sense of self? Remember that the ego needs to oppose, resist, and exclude to maintain the sense of separateness on which its continued survival depends. So there is a “me” against the “other”.

The ego needs to be in conflict. That explains why you are looking for peace and joy and love, but cannot tolerate them for long. We say that we want happiness, but we’re addicted to our unhappiness.

Our happiness arises NOT from the circumstances of our lives, but from the conditioning of the mind.

Do you carry feelings of guilt about something from the past? Remember, you acted from the level of your consciousness at the time.

Guilt is another attempt by the ego to create an identity. The ego says, “I did that,” and so you carry a mental image of yourself as “bad”. Throughout history humans have inflicted violent, cruel and hurtful acts on each other. But those acts are simply expressions of unconsciousness, an evolutionary stage that we are growing out of.

If you carry guilt, forgive yourself, and deeply connect to the source of your essence. Breathe it in fully, and be at peace.